Elmore Leonard said: I have a character in one of my books tell how she used to write historical romances ''full of rape and adverbs.''

Friday, 20 July 2007

I Hate Harry Potter

It’s true, I hate him. Whiny, annoying, loathsome boy. I hate Ron. What an idiot. Ron is a fool. Hermione I like. She does not deserve to end up with a fool. At the very least, Hermione ought to be with the series’ hero, even if it is Harry Fucking Potter with his incessant carping and his - roll eyes - destiny and his swollen sense of entitlement.

I love Snape, of course. I think I could live with his being evil if he got to spank Harry, even a little. The only thing that would upset me is his death. So don’t do it, Rowling!

Why do I read the damn books? Reader, I cracked. I think it happened just after book 6 was released. My friend Veronica had given me the first few as a present and for years I ignored them. Then, one day I picked up HP and the Philosopher’s Stone. After an excruciating start I found myself following the story, reading it in a gulp. The rest followed.

I hate Harry; I hate Ron; I hate the simplistic black and white morality (I’m rooting for Voldemort. Maybe Hermione could become his Dark Queen/ child bride?), but I like the books and I’ve enjoyed the series. I’m going to get my book tomorrow morning, Amazon willing, and I’m going to do my damndest to stay in bed until it’s finished. I can’t wait.

The First Time is the Hardest

It’s 2007, I’m 25 and in possession of a spanking new MacBook... the only question is, why didn’t I do this sooner?

Well, lot’s of reasons. Primarily, my life does not a lively, must-read blog make. We’re not talking The Intimate Confessions of a London Call Girl, or the Internal Musings of a Troubled Genius. More like, The Distracted Ramblings of a Timid Librarian. And if you want to know what I look like (ignore my alter ego in the profile for a moment, the gorgeous lady Colin Campbell), imagine a slightly quizzical sheep. Or - depending on the context - a mildly terrorized sheep. Or a hungry sheep.

Yes, it’s a bandwagon; yes, I’m leaping abroad.

And did I mention? I have an unhealthy obsession with romance novels, which I will attempt to review in this here blog.